Pakistani weddings: 10 signs you attend them just for the food

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It’s wedding season, people and if you’re not tying the knot this time around, your sibling or cousin or best friend or at least SOMEONE is for sure!

Ever thought of why you attend weddings when you loathe everything—from the needless and long functions to a host of distant relatives you can’t recognize?

It’s the food, stupid! We’ve come up with 10 signs that pinpoint to the fact that you attend weddings because you want to feast like a king…

You tried bailing earlier

“Mom, I think I have some extra homework I’d rather do.”

“Oh shoot, I forgot. My friend had an accident and I have to visit him at the hospital.”

“Is that area even safe? Aren’t street crimes occurring quite frequently in that area? Better to stay in for the night…”

If you’ve made up any of these excuses to get out of a wedding then we I’ve got news for you. Congrats. You’re in the same boat as I am (most of the time).

If you tried bailing earlier, you’re in it just for the food.

Strangers on the cards…

You don’t even recognize the name of the bride and the groom as well as their parents’ on the wedding cards. Which means you haven’t interacted much with them your entire life. But you’re at the wedding because of the…wait for it…food.

When you don’t iron your clothes or pick them out yourself

Do we ever let anyone else pick out our clothes if we’re going out on a date or hanging out at the cool kid’s place after college? No, right? Because those are things you actually look forward to.

If your mom, dad or sister has been tasked with ironing your suit or saari (or whatever it is you’re wearing), you’re only going for the food.

When you simply ABHOR meeting your relatives

For me, weddings are a getaway from the daily monotonous routine ONLY when the cousins I like are also attending. We treat it as a hangout. However, if you hate your relatives and don’t know what you’re doing there, chances are the food dragged you all the way.

When you’re checking your watch 24/7

Do you ever check the time when you’re out and about with your friends or playing sports & video games? You don’t, do you? Well, it’s simply because you’re enjoying yourself and time is passing like the wind. However, at certain weddings, time stands still. THAT is when the hunger pangs start doing their work.

Food is the only thing you’re here for, pal.

When mom doesn’t cook your favourite food…

If you aren’t a fan of broccolis and it’s vegetable day at the house, what better way to escape the monotony of life and pamper your taste buds at the same time than attend the wedding tonight?

When it’s past 11:00 pm and you’re still at the dining hall/wedding lawn/banquet

Let’s face it. Weddings in Pakistan can go on till late into the night. But the guests don’t leave. Do you know why? They didn’t dress up to hand the newly-married couple cash envelopes, have their pictures taken and socialize now, did they?

Nope. They’re here for the biryani, folks.

When the food is preheated and your heart skips a beat

Do I really need to explain this one? Doesn’t it happen to all of us?

When the food is served and you go ballistic…

Do you, also like me, bolt to the front of the line to fill your plate when the food is ready? Do you also knock down a few chairs in anticipation and shove people to be the first in line?

Do I even need to spell it out for you?

When you pile on food one minute and the next, you’re ready to say your goodbyes…

As soon as I’m done gobbling down my food and washing it with the soda of my choice, I’m outta there! If you’re pushing people out of the way to get to the crowded wedding stage to shake hands with the parents of the newly-married couple RIGHT after having dinner, well then, what were you doing here in the first place?

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